THE THREE STOOGES (2012)

TMG Scale 3.0 MPAA Rating: PG
Starring Sean Hayes, Jane Lynch

While seeing this film I had the same gut feeling I had when re-visiting my college dorm room—it made me sentimental, I recalled all the fun, crazy good times there, …but I would not go back to live there no matter what. This was a truly a good old college try, it just failed miserably. The movie was awful and unfunny. Sure the guys did great imitations of the real Stooges, but that is only amusing for five minutes. And what editor on earth failed to cut the disgusting and stupid nursery pee scene? I was sure Adam Sandler was going to appear. An unexpected baby boy’s pee hitting someone’s face on YouTube may be a guffaw and a wince, but a literal flood of baby urine is not funny at all.

The Three Stooges are best left to late night and fond memories. “You don’t remake the Wizard of Oz, you don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, you don’t spit into the wind and you don’t try to remake the old Three Stooges”—those were actually the original words written by Jim Croce before he said “Shit man..no one would ever, ever, remake the Three Stooges…strike that and put in ‘You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger’ instead.” True Story…..I think.

Since I’m in a generally foul mood, I would like to know what has happened to AMC Theatres? Under their former CEO’S (Stan Durwood and Peter Brown), AMC was the pinnacle of what a movie theatre should be. Now, it is just run by a wild bunch of teenagers who could care less. The food is lousy, the service is lousy, the theaters smell. No one over the age of fifteen can be found running the AMC Studio 30 in Olathe—and it is one of AMC’s hometown flagship venues. AMC spends millions redoing their concession stands every other month for no apparent reason or gain, yet cannot get the concept of “service” down at all. One fifteen year old girl sells tickets while dozens wait. Meanwhile, dozen AMC delinquents run around playing grab-ass with each other inside.

And what on earth has happened to idiots who go to theaters these days (yours truly excluded)? While many waited, one guy in front me at AMC Olathe at 5:45 pm tonite actually had the guts to ask the little ticket girl for a movie review on the The Raven. Really? Ticket girls at the theaters now give critical movie reviews to slobs like this? This is about like asking a McDonald’s counter person for a quick summary on animal husbandry and beef production. How obnoxious can it get? Buy your ticket and move on!

Tonight there were stooges on the screen, stooges buying tickets and stooges running the theatre. It made me very nostalgic for the real guys!

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