A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS (2011)

TMG Scale 1.0     P Factor 3.0     MPAA Rating: R
Starring: No way I am going to call any of these pathetic losers “stars”

Thirty minutes into this disgusting and stupid movie, all I could think is, “what next?” Every gross bodily function and vulgar reference had been made. Fun had already been poked at Jesus Christ. The only thing missing was Neal Patrick Harris showing up french kissing and pretending to be a straight guy. Oh, then hold on a minute.

This is not an age or generational thing. TMG will laugh at almost anything that is funny no matter how vulgar or irreverent. I did laugh hard a few times early in the movie. But, once a film degenerates into masturbation scenes, drugging a two year old and singing F word laden lyrics to her, —about all that is missing is something as horrific and unfunny as a guy like Danny Trejo ejaculating onto a Christmas tree. But then wait a minute… Yeah, it is that bad.  TMG does not tolerate any film which depicts, makes fun of, or glorifies child abuse. I was frankly surprised to find that Nicolas Cage was not starring in or producing this film.

And then we have the cameo of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Now this,  I was amazed at. How on earth do you edit in such a scene at the last moment to a movie about two perverts stealing a Christmas tree? The connection I made was that two perverts stealing a Christmas tree is what the Occupy Wall Street movement is all about.  No? In the pleading words of John Goodman,  “Am I wrong here?” It was the only message I could find in this movie.

I willingly confess to have not seen the earlier episodes of the Harold & Kumar franchise. I do not intend to either. I have read reports the earlier two, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) and Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) are funnier and less crass, but such is hardly a ringing endorsement to waste two hours of your life or your money. This 3D fiasco in prime time will set you back $28.00 for you and your date. For $1.25 you can rent an even worse piece of trash on DVD like Bucky Larson by Adam Sandler.

Parents, don’t be idiots and let your 2o year old college drop out take your thirteen year old to see this film. It is inappropriate for people of any age. Note: the 3.0 P factor is probably misleading. Men peeing on cars and throwing feces on car windows, not to mention closeup footage of a penis on a frozen pole (and more) probably deserves a P factor squared. 

With so many good films out there to see, why waste your time or your money?

 

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