CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011)

TMG Scale 6.0
Starring Jason Momoa, Ron Pearlman, Stephan Lang, Rachel Nichols, Morgan Freeman (narrator)

TMG: Lots of senseless violence.

Women watching men fighting.

Women battling.

Drunken men and women at organized orgies.

Huge men with shaven heads fighting other huge men with shaven heads for no apparent reason.

Children watching on in horror.

Drunken legions looking on with laughter and glee while the battle rages on. Some men taken away in chains while others escape. Such is what we expect and see this week.

No, not at Conan the Barbarian. I am speaking of the August 21st matchup between the San Francisco 49ers and Oakland Raiders this week.

The only thing the 49ers Oakland game was missing that the movie really had going for it, was Morgan Freeman doing the commentating. Adversaries Conan (Momoa)  and Khalar (Lang) had one thing going for them that not all the fans at Candlestick Park did—absolutely impeccable, white, dental work.  I just had to laugh at Conan and Khalar’s horrific make up and facial scars, but their teeth were ready for a Crest TV spot.  This was more unforgiveable than the backdrop scenery in this film. The worst I have seen since  Thunder Road in 1958.

All that said, Conan the Barbarian 2011 was a decent and fun movie for its genre—the blood, guts and stinky fat guy genre. It  is exactly what one expects so it met expectations—not much more or less mind you.

Joy Lynn: If I were to recommend a Marvel Comic film to my female friends, it would NOT be Conan the Barbarian.  Captain America (2011) was a much better movie.  So was, X-Men- First Class (2011)  At least they had a story that was interesting and were much less violent. They actually had verbal humor and style written in them. This movie was non stop violence and killing. Blood spewing from every angle.  The only saving grace was Jason Momoa as Conan.  He seemed to handle the physical acting well and looking very hot and steamy in the saddle . . .  of his horse!  I think the women in this movie were last minute additions. They played second fiddle to all the swords fighting and head slashing.

Was this a bad movie?  Seemed silly, mindless entertainment to me.  A movie for men who refuse to grow up!

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