The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009)

Starring Jeff Bridges, George Clooney, Kevin Spacey
TMG Scale 3.0

Men Who Stare at Goats?  Men who sit on boats. Men who drink root beer floats. Who cares?  TMG really likes to pride himself on saying “go see it yourself.”  But in this case, TMG would really not be providing any public service if  he didn’t suggest you attend a goat’s briss instead of watching this film.  Given the line up of stars, this movie was so disappointing.  But then considering how awful Old Dogs was last year with Robin Williams and John Travolta, I guess nothing should surprise The Movie Guy anymore.

TMG generally cares less what the established movie reviewers say about any film, but he may have to look up a few reviews for this one.  It really defies rational explanation.  Some military burn outs with visions of grandeur reflect (or hallucinate, it is really not clear)  on a military experiment to use mental telepathy to move objects and kill goats.  There are lots of unrelated scenes about the U.S. New Earth Army, a unit that employs paranormal powers ostensibly  to become “super soldiers.”  TMG is truly at a loss to explain this movie any further.  It was not entertaining.  It was not funny in any way shape or form. It certainly had no educational value.  I kept thinking it was some anti Dick Cheney flick and  Michael Moore would pop up at any moment. Too bad the latter did not happen as it could have improved this film immeasurably. TMG gave this one a 3.0 instead of a 1.0 rating only because the idea could have been both interesting and funny. TMG admires a daring, though failed attempt.

TMG would rather watch a movie entitled “Women Who Try on Coats” than ever suffer watching this movie again.  TMG saw this movie on an airplane which usually means giving even boorish films like Eyes Wide Shut or Urban Cowboy the benefit of considerable doubt.  Ever notice the disclosure in the credits that states “No animal was harmed during the making of this film?”  It was missing from this film quite probably because  a few of the goats on set had to hurl a few times at the bad writing. George Clooney please deliver another Oceans film or  One Fine Day II. Kevin Spacey deliver us another K-PAX or Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.  Jeff Bridges,  can’t you bring back the Dude in  The Big Leboswski?   Or maybe  just take a few weeks vacation in the Ozarks.  But for god’s sake guys, . . . quit staring at goats!

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